Strippers can teach one a lot of valuable life lessons for example
Education in the US is too damn expensive:
For a total of $60 I got an aspiring accountant , an under grad dentist and a student nurse to push their hoo hoos in my face and ask me to spank them. Back home the same service would probably cost me 3 meetings with the parents, 12 outings with her friends and atleast one dinner, and that’s just the girls who work in I.T., accountants and dentist are a lot more choosy.
I could do a lot better with my life:
Victoria the gymnast (Roy made a joke about finding out her secret, I am disappointed in him, getting married has made him quiet dim witted), so any way Victoria the gymnast while sitting in my lap and getting the condensed version of my life story (lot less stories of me being the caped avenger of the night) asks me , why if I am here for work did I choose a place like Minneapolis, in her words ‘ It gets really cold here, I’ve been living here my whole life and I still think its too cold’ to which I had to agree with her; “You are right about that , if you weren’t sitting in my lap right now, the happy place would be a winter wonderland, the ski slope would be less functional but the rocks would make it quiet an exciting ride” she did not get my excessively clever word play where my shlong was the ski slope and my rocks were the…well the rocks, she was clearly not accountant material. The conversation continued:
Victoria: “If I were you, I’d pick a place like Florida, or Texas, I mean this is nothing, you won’t believe how cold it gets here, and it just gets worse , Jan and Feb are possibly the coldest”
Irwing: “Oh ok, now dance”
I have what it takes:
I liked Ginger the red head though, she was either really good at reading me or she was someone I’d like to know in a non stripper-stripee capacity, she did not think much of Monster Truck rallies, could discuss Kevin Garnett’s time at the timberwolves intelligently enough and her hands were not cold.
After her first dance I spoke to her about the time I played basket ball for my school and city, but since coming here I don’t go to the public courts since I’d probably get my ass handed to me by the Junior NBA teams that play there. She looked a little confused so I explained “Ginger, the problem is that by Indian standards I’m bigger than average”, at which point she interrupted me by giving the ski slope a nice squeeze and saying “You’ve pretty impressive by American standards too” all I could say was “Ok, dance now”
December 10, 2008
Ok it goes down like this,my engagement manager calls us out for a project dinner,now i know wat all u guys in India are thinking,booooooooring as shit,well ur right abt the dinner,but during the dinner the engagement manager asks me “so Irwing wat do u wat to do in the US” i could have said the usual stuff like improve my skills,learning more abt the project and teradata and stuff,but being Irwing i say ” i want to go to a strip club and get the champagne service”,now i said it half jokingly,but EM guy tells me “done”.
So after dinner,he gets me and 2 other guys and we go down to this “cabaret club” where the drinks are waaaaay over the sticker price,strangley enf i get asked for id at the door (guess my boyish good looks are a curse) its then that i realise that i left my wallet in my room…shit…no one dollar bills for the dances,but door man lets me thru,i let my engagement manager kno my stupid stupid oversight.but he says donn sweat it and hands me a roll of 1 dollar bills.meanwhile the other desi who came with me was stupid enf to get his wallet so he pays for his dances.
so we enter,i drink beer,random girl sits on my lap ,i dont remeber her name,it was something with J,jasmine maybe,yes even i understand that its fake,but that was the only think fake about her,everything else was 100% real,trust me,all my appendages above the waist (and one below) can vouch for the realness of her assets.
dance done i pay for it in one dollar bills,this process repeats itself a few more times till i have to again look to EM who is now my new best friend and who hands me $20 bills,so neway,all said and done i got 4 lap dances and one private dance (details of which i cannot reveal for free) and a phone number from one of the girls if i want a more “private” session anytime.so i take my leave of the EM,who as i left was getting another dance and walking home i realise i still have money left in my pocket,so i tip a few more dancers and the guy in the rest room and i still have 3 dollars left.
so overall a good day,4 lap dances,one private one,a phone number to call if i get bored and 3 dollars profit
P.S. for those who care,one part of my conversations went like this:
some girl (Zoe i think) : So irwing you want a massage?
Irwing: Now why would i want a massage?
Zoe: Its only $400 an hour
Irwing:Damn,thats 4 times wat my company makes off me in an hour,wats so special abt this massage?
Zoe:well its full body ( hand goes to Irwing`s happy place and plays with the rides)
But i figure asking EM to expense $400 to the company account is pushing it,so with all the will power in the world i decline,meanwhile EM gets suckered into buying a “Rick`s Cabaret” Tshirt in the middle of a dance and throws it on my head,so i also have a Tshirt my mother can never see along with a shirt and a pair of trousers that i think will smell of perfume for the rest of my life.
September 19, 2008
