Thank You VH1 and Beyonce Knowles
Yes, people used to seeing me list out reasons I hate things, this time i am actually going to give thanks for something, If it weren’t for VH1 and Beyonce I would be without a job and possibly performing unseemly sex acts for food.
You see I am not a morning person, I have 2 cups of fairly strong coffee but still somehow don’t seem to shake of my morning grogginess, to help me combat this drowsiness I’ve got into the habit of switching on a music channel and watching videos interspersed with presenters clearly suffering from a sugar high.This expectedly presents a problem when videos of really beautiful girls come on, Rihanna dancing with her umbrella
Pink making out with herself when sober
all these visuals serve one purpose… getting me late for work.
But then like manna from the Gods VH1 bestowed upon me the song “Single ladies (Put a ring on it) ” by Beyonce, a song so monotonous and ear jarring in its repetitiveness that it would make Rainman sound like a member of the Kennedy Family (or make rainman sound like one of the Bacchan Men if you are Indian). Listening to this song is the aural equivalent of having a horse with syphilis shove his dong in your ears and not stop thrusting till all will to live was gone out of you.
Initially that is how this song made me feel,that was stage 1,stage 2 was uncontrollable rage at listening to this song 3 times in a one hour time slot from 7.30 to 8.30 in the morning,and finally at the end of the week it was acceptance that VH1 are so well scheduled that the moment i see this song the first time I know I must do 2 things:
1. Mute the TV
2. Brush my teeth
The second time i see this video i know Its time for me to switch of the telly and leave for work, so you see VH1,if it wasn’t for how boringly regular you were and Beyonce how shittingly,bowel churningly irritating your song was I would have spent all morning watching music videos and eventually my boss would have found a new way to cut cost at the workplace … ( by cutting out my salary).So a big thank you to you both, you have made me appreciate time spent away from TV.